Goosewings. Accidentally Canada's Airline?

[Coprolite]

At a press conference, Goosewings CEO Tim Timmerson is absolutely flop-sweating through his 1990s vintage flannel suit. "Aw geez! I have NO IDEA what even happened. First Canada Connectair closed, then True North, and there was this loud screaming siren that would not stop going off in our own accounting department and I was selling my shares in Research in Motion at a loss just to buy speed tape and now here we are. Gasp."

Timmerson shuffles his papers and says, "We are of course doing our best to accommodate passengers left stranded by the abrupt collapse of the real Canadian airline industry. Due to equipment limitations many will have to fly home by way of Winnipeg, Halifax and Edmonton in that order. Gosh this is a lot of responsibility to uh... we have ambitious plans to technically grow our network including more flights to the epicentre of European enlightenment: Glasgow. We also promise to stop playing the Toronto Song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie on all of our flights to or from Toronto. And we are announcing $150 dollar flights to France. Say BONJOUR to ST. Pierre et Miquelon! I uh... gosh this is... so hard. It doesn't feel right."

He squints and looks confused as he says, "Goosewings: Canada's Actual Airline. I'm... never going to get used to this. It was... never supposed to come to this. We are just... a bunch of very silly geese. Geez. We are in so much trouble as a country and a civilization. First Nickelback and now THIS." Several confused honks are heard in the background.

A Canada goose waddles in carrying a print out to Timmerson, who takes out a pair of Groucho Marx glasses and puts them on to read it, and suddenly his stress stress is lifted from him, "Ladies, gentlemen and assorted Anseriformes, I am pleased to announce that for the good of all we have COMPETITION. Goosewings is well on course to becoming Canada's OTHER Airline again!."

Timmerson jumps in the air and is frozen for several seconds at the apex of his jump. "Uh. Can someone get me down? This is... not an artful freeze frame. This is actually happening."

[mp81]

"Research in motion" lol