FlightClub Joins World’s Best Airline Alliance, Vows to Behave

[AngryOpossum]

MUNICH, WEST GERMANY — In what aviation experts are calling "unlikely" and insiders are calling "a clerical error," FlightClub has been officially accepted into the Aviation Trading Cooperative (ATC) — the world's #1 airline alliance and a paragon of coordination, excellence, and basic airworthiness.

"We're thrilled," said CEO Peter 'The Elbow' Braun. "It's like getting hired by a Michelin-star kitchen when you've mostly been microwaving cold, leftover pizza."

The announcement coincides with drastic changes in FlightClub's offerings: the arrival of medium-sized aircraft, actual cabin crew, and the launch of a new premium offering: Giving 'Em the Business Class™ — now available on select routes. Features include aggressive legroom, complimentary bruised fruit, and a crew trained in both hospitality and Muay Thai.

Analysts remain cautious. "It's not clear how this happened," said Martin Krüger, finance professor at the Technical University of Munich. "FlightClub continues to defy both market logic and basic aeronautics. One wonders if ATC meant to invite someone else and just rolled with it." With international sanctions on West Germany now lifted, FlightKlub — the company's hastily improvised "legally distinct" spin-off — has been shuttered, its paperwork and crew's fake mustaches burned in a ceremonial bonfire behind a scenic Liechtenstein barn. "It served its purpose," Braun said. "Mostly smuggling pretzels."

As it enters this new era, FlightClub remains committed to the values that made it barely viable in the first place: chaotic ambition, minimal oversight, and a strong right hook. And for the first time in our turbulent history, we're proud to chart this course alongside actual professionals — the fine, forgiving people of ATC.

Media Contact:
Greta Stahlknuckle
VP of Communications