📣 Official Phoenix Alliance Press Release

[Fisher970]

📣 Official Phoenix Alliance Press Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 19, 1951

Phoenix Alliance Concludes Annual General Meeting in Utter Chaos
Some strategic planning may have also occurred.

In what can only be described as a bold exercise in team bonding, public relations mismanagement, and mild international incidents, the Phoenix Alliance concluded its 1951 Annual General Meeting (AGM) last week at a moderately reputable airfield hotel somewhere between Peoria and a place the locals simply call "The Hollow."

Representatives from several member airlines were in attendance, with some leaving a far more memorable impression than others.


🎩 Highlights from the Weekend:

Fisher of Ozark National Airlines arrived early with two cases of moonshine, a live turkey named "First Officer Gobbles", and what was later confirmed to be a homemade hovercraft powered by surplus radial engines. After briefly achieving lift over the hotel swimming pool, Fisher was politely asked to stop "testing prototypes" on registered guests.

LkMsWb of USLink brought the spirit of American ingenuity by attempting to construct a new terminal using only cocktail napkins, duct tape, and "pure confidence." The structure ultimately collapsed when Fisher's turkey, "First Officer Gobbles," broke free and charged through it at full speed, reportedly in pursuit of a rogue baggage tag."

Chris Spiegel, CEO of Fun Express (Atlanta), was last seen leading a 3 AM interpretive dance performance titled "The Spirit of Deregulation" on a luggage carousel. The performance was received with mixed confusion and was later nominated for an award no one could define.

Meddix, of Meddix Air (Rome), maintained his composure until a heated debate over seat pitch spiraled into an impromptu fencing match using rolled-up route maps and a disturbingly sharp coffee stirrer. Meddix is recovering well and has requested reimbursement for "emotional turbulence."

Mizuki from Sakura Airlines (Mexico City) brought a refreshing dose of grace and diplomacy to the event—until 2 AM Sunday, when she allegedly challenged a passing owl to a staring contest and shouted, "You think you know night operations?!"

Tsuneyoshi of Europe Air (Frankfurt) insisted on arriving by glider to demonstrate fuel efficiency. While the glide path was mostly successful, the emergency landing on a shuffleboard court remains under investigation. His presentation, "The Future is Jet... Eventually," was cut short when the projector was hijacked to play footage of ducks in hats.

Ryanairflyer of Bleu Steel (Montreal) was praised for dressing formally, speaking eloquently, and maintaining a dignified presence—until someone discovered he had replaced the conference coffee with maple syrup "as a loyalty test." His luggage was also found to contain a disturbing number of tiny plastic moose.

Ster of Red Credit Air (China) attended the AGM but refused to participate in any Western "bourgeois nonsense." When asked for comment, he stated:

"In glorious People's Republic, we have five-year plan. In Phoenix Alliance, they have five-minute hangover. Western airline very inefficient. 
I observe: too much talking, not enough collective runway construction. I go now. You capitalist running dog."


📝 Official Statement

"The Phoenix Alliance remains committed to excellence, innovation, and legally defensible fun," said an unnamed alliance spokesperson while quietly relocating the AGM budget into a locked filing cabinet labeled '7 – DO NOT OPEN'.

"We commend the behavior of our other member airlines, who attended the AGM, contributed professionally, and most importantly, did not end up in a holding cell or newsreel footage. You are the true MVPs."


📌 Looking Ahead

Despite the incident with the hovercraft, the spontaneous runway limbo contest, and the brief FAA inquiry into "paint-related behavior," Phoenix Alliance is pleased to announce several new interline agreements, a shared maintenance initiative, and a formal ban on serving absinthe at future meetings.

We look forward to another strong year of mutual cooperation, strategic expansion, and keeping LkMsWb away from the structural blueprints.


For more information, or to request a transcript of the AGM written entirely in haiku, please contact the Phoenix Alliance communications office (currently located behind the vending machine in Terminal B).