ATC Humor

[LemonButt]

I LOL'd: http://cornerbar.areavoices.com/2011/02/03/exchanges-between-pilots-and-control-towers%E2%80%8F-from-remrafdn/

[Ilyushin]

Yeah, those jokes are great.
Already know them for a while though. There are funny airline name abbreviations too.

stuff like

ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam

 

[MRFREAK]

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three  miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little
Fokker in sight."

Priceless!!! 

[Dave4468]

It has to be the British - German ones.

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark...... and I didn't land."

and

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British  accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

 

[cutchie]

Heathrow Director: Clipper 103, descend to altitude 3000 feet, QNH1013.

Clipper 103: Descend to 3000 feet, and uhh, can we have that in inches please?

Director: Clipper 103, certainly, descend to altitude 36,000 inches, QNH1013.

 

[Pilot Oatmeal]

Heathrow Director: Clipper 103, descend to altitude 3000 feet, QNH1013.

Clipper 103: Descend to 3000 feet, and uhh, can we have that in inches please?

Director: Clipper 103, certainly, descend to altitude 36,000 inches, QNH1013.

 

class, just pure class.... go UK aviation!

[ICEcoldair881]

IMO this one is the best

While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United
727..
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming,
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now  shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You
got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of
US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in
her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high Just
then an unknown pilot broke  the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking:"Wasn't I married to you once?"

 




Cheers,
ICEcold

[GEnx]

Because they are so hilarious I somehow have difficulty to believe them..

[Pilot Oatmeal]

 "From  an unknown  aircraft waiting in a very long take off queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!""

Because they are so hilarious I somehow have difficulty to believe them..

Especially that one for sure, gotta be fake