In a press conference that began with a suspiciously fresh breeze and ended with several reporters checking if they could suddenly see neighboring countries, CEO Buck Harmon today confirmed what meteorologists are calling "the single greatest visibility upgrade since the invention of eyeballs."
The company's final four-engine "Santa Monica Anteaters" have officially been retired.
"Yes," Harmon declared, pausing as a bird flew past without wearing a gas mask, "you will not see the Old Smokies again."
Within minutes of the final flight touching down, airports worldwide reported unprecedented visibility.
While industry analysts expected cost-cutting or regulatory pressure to drive the move, Harmon revealed a more... domestic influence.
"This decision was primarily driven by my now-wife, Annie Oakley," he admitted. "She recently closed her bourbon business and, frankly, needed somewhere to redirect that level of determination."
Sources close to the couple say Oakley, known for her sharp aim in both business and conversation, issued a simple ultimatum:
"It's either me or the airborne smoke festival."
Environmental groups have already praised the move, with one spokesperson stating, "We didn't expect change this fast. We thought we'd at least have time to write a strongly worded email."
Meanwhile, souvenir hunters are scrambling to acquire relics from the retired fleet, including engine parts and pilot goggles...