Chicago, IL — September 2008 — Unified Airlines today extended its heartfelt thanks to President George W. Bush for his decisive action in Ariana, noting that jet fuel prices have "finally started acting like they were in 2004 — which is to say, slightly less catastrophic." Unified praised the operation as "a real win for the American traveler, the aviation industry, and anyone who enjoys $199 weekend fares."
In a move sure to raise eyebrows — and maybe oil prices before lowering them — Unified's statement urged the administration to "keep the momentum going" by considering a few well-aimed cruise missiles at any other oil-rich country of your choosing. "We're not picky," said the airline's Chief Fuel Strategist. "One more 'Mission Accomplished' banner and we might even be able to bring back free snacks."
Unified concluded with a promise to celebrate the next intervention with a special one-day sale called the "Shock & Aw, Look at These Low Fares" event. "History may judge," the release stated, "but our CASM sure won't."