AirwaySim

Miscellaneous => Off-topic forum => Topic started by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 01:19:48 AM

Title: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 01:19:48 AM
Dear World,

We will not respect soccer (football) until your players stop flopping and acting like babies.  Also "nil - nil" isn't a result.  It is 90 minutes (plus the usual ten or so 'injury' minutes) of my life being wasted.   

- The United States of America
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 01:21:52 AM
P.S., there is no magic spray that can heal a player who somehow got a rug burn on the wet grass.   Those are just two people who come out and judge his performance at faking injury.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 01:24:21 AM
Ahem... they get tired, it having to stay on the pitch for the whole game, and not swapping the entire team every few minutes...
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 01:35:48 AM
I play ice hockey.  3 lines of sprinting and quickly recovering.   
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 03:41:53 AM
You probably wouldn't like test cricket too much... 5 days of play and it can still end in a draw....
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 09:41:07 AM
Alright, ice hockey and cricket are challenging but you guys should seriously try GAA sports if you think they are hard!
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: ArcherII on January 02, 2013, 01:21:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sD_8prYOxo
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 03:08:44 PM
Dear World,

We will not respect soccer (football) until your players stop flopping and acting like babies.  Also "nil - nil" isn't a result.  It is 90 minutes (plus the usual ten or so 'injury' minutes) of my life being wasted.   

- The United States of America

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In view of your abject failure to elect a President and thus to govern yourselves, We give hereby Notice of the Revocation of your Independence, effective today at Five O'clock Greenwich Mean Time.

Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties forthwith over all states, commonwealths, and other territories.  Except Florida, which Shall be returned to His Illustrious Catholic Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain.  Your new Prime Minister (The Rt Hon Tony Blair, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will suggest to Her Majesty a Governor-General for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1.  You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary."  Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Look up "interspersed."

2.  There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3.  You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that difficult.

4.  Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the good guys.

5.  You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen," but only after fully carrying out Task 1.  We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6.  You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.  The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.  Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a difficult game.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football," but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour).  We are hoping to get together at least an American rugby sevens side by 2005.

7.  You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any "merde."  The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.

8.  July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in the British Empire.  It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9.  All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for your own good.  When we show you German/English cars, you will understand what we mean.

10.  Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.

11.  Your failure as a people is disgusting.  The world is a ashamed of you. We will fix you. 

- The United Kingdom of Great Britain
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: ARASKA on January 02, 2013, 03:50:19 PM
Dear United Kingdom of Great Britain -
Apparently, the 2.15% of you who were able to look up from their TV screen and stop watching your so called "football" have failed to notice that your own country plays the very sport you say "no one else plays". Have you never heard of the BUAFL or the BAFACL which both have 50 or more teams. Also, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Finland, Germany, Hungary, India, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Mexico, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Romania, Serbia and Spain all have football leagues. And to the poster, according to some of your previous posts, you are just as American as me.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 04:03:40 PM
Dear United Kingdom of Great Britain -
Apparently, the 2.15% of you who were able to look up from their TV screen and stop watching your so called "football" have failed to notice that your own country plays the very sport you say "no one else plays". Have you never heard of the BUAFL or the BAFACL which both have 50 or more teams. Also, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Finland, Germany, Hungary, India, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Mexico, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Romania, Serbia and Spain all have football leagues. And to the poster, according to some of your previous posts, you are just as American as me.

Well I haven't heard of any of these leagues that you mention, probably because they are not well known, and have no actual prestige.  The point I was trying to make across is that football is a much larger sport than American football worldwide.

And yes, I am an American citizen, as well as a British citizen, but I'm only an American citizen because I was born in Florida... my whole family is British  :P
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 04:24:35 PM
Hilarious $hit, Oatmeal.

God Save the King/Queen is the worst song (in terms of lyrics).... good thing we can sing My Country 'Tis of Thee instead
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 04:27:03 PM
When I say God Save the  Queen, I mean this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cLRznbZjTQ

Which is sang with passion, and creates an atmosphere like nothing else.  Something you'll never see at NFL matches :P

EDIT:  I didn't mean that crap from the Sex Pistols
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 04:34:49 PM
DO NOT let me here that horrible song! >:(  God save the Queen is the WORST song ever. The Irish National Anthem is much better, there is actually a nice rythm and there has been thought put into it.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 04:37:23 PM
DO NOT let me here that horrible song! >:(  God save the Queen is the WORST song ever. The Irish National Anthem is much better, there is actually a nice rythm and there has been thought put into it.

Your national anthem is worse than your airlines.  Poor.  ;)
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 04:44:47 PM
My airline is doing quite well considering I joined BW two thirds of the way through it thank you very much.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 04:46:10 PM
Play nice in the sandbox, boys
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: exchlbg on January 02, 2013, 04:51:32 PM
What else did you expect by starting this stupid thread ? Please don´t cause flame wars starting discussions about religion,politics or football/soccer, it´ll always end like that.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 04:57:03 PM
My airline is doing quite well considering I joined BW two thirds of the way through it thank you very much.

I meant the Irish airlines haha I'm only messing :) not your own airlines
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: ARASKA on January 02, 2013, 05:08:08 PM
What else did you expect by starting this stupid thread ? Please don´t cause flame wars starting discussions about religion,politics or football/soccer, it´ll always end like that.
I love that you include football/soccer in with religion and politics.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 05:11:05 PM
I think football is religion in UK and im sure an elected official in Manchester walked into work wearing Chelsea blue he'd be assassinated by noon.

Also, im a licensed referee for American football.  I can see how rediculous the game appears to some.

Cricket is unwatchable imho.   
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: exchlbg on January 02, 2013, 05:20:02 PM
I love that you include football/soccer in with religion and politics.

Because people tend to get fanatic and unreasonable when it comes to any of these alike.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 05:25:11 PM
I meant the Irish airlines haha I'm only messing :) not your own airlines
Oh sorry ;D I guess, Ryanair are truly amazing, even though people complain about them they sell tickets for 10euro! AerLingus are much more posh and expensive, I love both of them :)
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 06:51:47 PM
I think football is religion in UK and im sure an elected official in Manchester walked into work wearing Chelsea blue he'd be assassinated by noon.

Also, im a licensed referee for American football.  I can see how rediculous the game appears to some.

Cricket is unwatchable imho.    

'Cricket is unwatchable imho.' is exactly the point of cricket : you are not supposed to 'watch' it : it is a social event, with many features and rituals, the watching part only takes up a fraction of the day : to be seen in your seat before lunch is considered rather declasse, to be seen sober in your seat after lunch is decidedly poor form : to be able to walk, unaided, to your carriage at 'stumps' is social death.

Of course, many of the lesser social groupings have got totally the wrong end of things, as ever, and attempt to 'support' their side by being present for every ball bowled : this just shows how ill-educated they are in the finer matters in life. Their dedication to the last two parts of our dictum, well-soused after lunch and being unable to walk unaided to their bus, is however, an excellent sign that good manners will rub-off onto even the lowest social naif : so there is hope for America yet.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Sanabas on January 02, 2013, 07:51:29 PM
Then look up "aluminum".

The word is aluminium.

Quote
9.  All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for your own good.  When we show you German/English cars, you will understand what we mean.

English cars.  :laugh:


Gridiron is far more fun to watch and play than soccer, minority sport or not. Ice hockey would be fun to watch and play, if a: I could skate and b: the NHL season was actually on. Instead, I play real hockey. And stay on the field all game. Joys of being a goalie.  ;D
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 07:54:13 PM
The word is aluminium.

English cars.  :laugh:

If you speak the English language then no, it isn't. 

English cars, yep, 90% of Formula 1 cars, Aston Martin, McClaren... much better than Ford.... much...much...much better than corvette.   ;D :laugh:
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Sanabas on January 02, 2013, 08:07:32 PM
If you speak the English language then no, it isn't.

I do, and it is. The letter i appears twice. US variant spellings don't count. Even if the guy who discovered it wanted to spell it that way.

Quote
English cars, yep, 90% of Formula 1 cars, Aston Martin, McClaren... much better than Ford.... much...much...much better than corvette.   ;D :laugh:

I thought Aston Martins were actually Fords now?
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Pilot Oatmeal on January 02, 2013, 08:12:25 PM
I do, and it is. The letter i appears twice. US variant spellings don't count. Even if the guy who discovered it wanted to spell it that way.

I thought Aston Martins were actually Fords now?

You know what I read that ENTIRELY wrong, you are right, I thought you were saying the US variant is right.  And it's not. 

Aston Martin, is owned by Ford, but the car created in the UK: http://www.astonmartins.com/factory/gaydon.htm
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 08:16:05 PM

I thought Aston Martins were actually Fords now?

They were supposed to do that ages ago and they did, just lately i believe.... After Fords financial crisis.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 10:18:46 PM
And jaguar was once a Ford product too...  
And Land Rover was once a Ford product too...

So let's not go into car bashing...

That is, unless you can afford to hire a bunch of Asians, socially indoctrinate them into the 'stakeholder' mentality and convince them to live in 1 bedroom apartments with their whole families.... then make Kias.    (Used to be the Japanese before they wised up)

Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 10:24:30 PM
And jaguar was once a Ford product too...  
And Land Rover was once a Ford product too...

So let's not go into car bashing...

That is, unless you can afford to hire a bunch of Asians, socially indoctrinate them into the 'stakeholder' mentality and convince them to live in 1 bedroom apartments with their whole families.... then make Kias.    (Used to be the Japanese before they wised up)



I don't take any offence but i would edit that if I were you..... Might be a bit racist on asians....
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 10:29:47 PM
I will not edit as that would be trying to hide what I said.   a cover up is always worse.  

I will say this:  If I offended anyone, I am sorry.  That was not the intention.

I actually learned about Japanese social culture in college.   The lifestyle they were forced to lead was appalling.   Businessmen literally expected to drink every night until the last train (or miss is and sleep in a bubble)... they never saw their families.    They were indoctrinated into believing that it was always for the greater good.   Generations of this existed.  Now things are changing there and Toyota and Honda are starting to slip significantly.      

Kia is able to outperform their peers because they don't have the legacy costs and labor costs that most others do.  They can crush the competition and offer tons more product for the money than their peers.   Options found in luxury cars normally are in their base level products.  The Koreans will work crazy hours for marginal wages.   This will always put a society ahead.... that is until all the other perils of mental and physical breakdown start to happen.   

  
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 10:32:14 PM
Thanks, i just wanted to say that in case you got temporarily banned or something.... No offensive action informed by me. ;)
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: swiftus27 on January 02, 2013, 10:36:56 PM
Thanks, i just wanted to say that in case you got temporarily banned or something.... No offensive action informed by me. ;)

Understood and appreciated.  Again, I wasn't looking down on Asians... they've just dominated the auto world over the past 20 years or so and the reasons are obvious.   Japan is currently falling while S Korea is growing.  China may be next if they can do what they do with virtually every other product.   NO ONE can compete if you have an endless supply of cheap labor. 
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Sanabas on January 02, 2013, 10:37:57 PM
And jaguar was once a Ford product too...  
And Land Rover was once a Ford product too...

So let's not go into car bashing...

That is, unless you can afford to hire a bunch of Asians, socially indoctrinate them into the 'stakeholder' mentality and convince them to live in 1 bedroom apartments with their whole families.... then make Kias.    (Used to be the Japanese before they wised up)

Nah, I was just laughing at the stereotype of English cars, which is they stop every 300km for petrol, and every 100km to breakdown. And I thought that all the nominally English makes had died out, other than as makers of stupidly expensive luxury/sports stuff. Unlike the equivalent German stuff in both cases. With Land Rover an exception I forgot.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 10:39:04 PM
Understood and appreciated.  Again, I wasn't looking down on Asians... they've just dominated the auto world over the past 20 years or so and the reasons are obvious.   Japan is currently falling while S Korea is growing.  China may be next if they can do what they do with virtually every other product.   NO ONE can compete if you have an endless supply of cheap labor. 
I know :) I say things before i think..... But you guys probably know that..... :-[
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 10:56:19 PM
Nah, I was just laughing at the stereotype of English cars, which is they stop every 300km for petrol, and every 100km to breakdown. And I thought that all the nominally English makes had died out, other than as makers of stupidly expensive luxury/sports stuff. Unlike the equivalent German stuff in both cases. With Land Rover an exception I forgot.

There remains but one British-owned car manufacturer : its called Morgan, hand-builds expensive old fashioned Roadsters and has a waiting list longer than Airbus.

There used to be 2, the other was Reliant, who built fibre-glass bodied 3-wheelers... from the sublime to the ridiculous....

Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Sanabas on January 02, 2013, 11:01:28 PM
Good enough for Mr Bean to drive.

And I remember seeing Top Gear trying to do a lap of their track in one. Didn't end well.  :laugh:

And speaking of stuff I've seen on Top Gear, both the Ariel Atom & Caterham are also British and road legal, aren't they?
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 11:29:43 PM
Good enough for Mr Bean to drive.

And I remember seeing Top Gear trying to do a lap of their track in one. Didn't end well.  :laugh:

And speaking of stuff I've seen on Top Gear, both the Ariel Atom & Caterham are also British and road legal, aren't they?
They are indeed.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 11:43:14 PM
Good enough for Mr Bean to drive.

And I remember seeing Top Gear trying to do a lap of their track in one. Didn't end well.  :laugh:

And speaking of stuff I've seen on Top Gear, both the Ariel Atom & Caterham are also British and road legal, aren't they?

The old Robin Reliant was a scary machine : with very strange drivers : I recall driving on the motorway in my old Land Rover, torrential rain, couldn't see beggar all for spray ; down to 40mph and thinking it was time to slow some more and flying past me comes a Reliant, throwing up a massive bow-wave, looking like it was about to take-off : obviously worked better as a boat than a car...

Caterham, and some other marques, filled a quasi-legal loophole ; they were not actually sold as complete cars, which would mean expensive crash-testing, etc.. they are 'kit-cars', you are supposed to assemble them yourself, thus avoiding legal stuff and also a bunch of taxes : in actuality, you pay 'some-one' to assemble it for you (which is legal too).. its wierd stuff, but that's how Lotus began, Caterham is now fully-owned by Lotus (who are malaysian-owned, I think), which is a bit circular, cos Caterham started by taking over building the Lotus7, after Lotus went upmarket with Elans and the like.

Not sure about Ariel : its a beefed up motorbike with extra wheels, really. There are some small scale outfits like them, but not really established builders as such, more assemblers of various bought-in parts onto self-built chassis : they do build some wild stuff though, the Bobcat (Land-Rover based) is a seriously fast and proficient off-roader, there is another lot who turn old Citroen Dyanes into pre-war Morgan-style three wheelers, and there we are, back to 3-wheelers and Morgans...
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: JonesyUK on January 02, 2013, 11:47:25 PM
A couple of points:

 1. Football is the most popular sport in the world. You don't need to make up sports that end up  120- 110 to be able to enjoy it (a nil-nil draw can be just as exciting as a 4-3).

2. Aston Martin was owned by ford, but is now owned a British consortium including Dave Richards of Prodrive (British motor sport company)

3. Mr Bean drove an Austin Mini  ;D
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 02, 2013, 11:49:22 PM
Wait wait wait wait..... The title says football... We are talking about cars.. Ok?!
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 02, 2013, 11:59:18 PM
cars, football... its all guy stuff... just dont mention sheds...
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Aerlingus1916 on January 03, 2013, 12:04:47 AM
You might want to add beer and women to that list then too brique ;)
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 03, 2013, 12:10:25 AM
A couple of points:

 1. Football is the most popular sport in the world. You don't need to make up sports that end up  120- 110 to be able to enjoy it (a nil-nil draw can be just as exciting as a 4-3).

2. Aston Martin was owned by ford, but is now owned a British consortium including Dave Richards of Prodrive (British motor sport company)

3. Mr Bean drove an Austin Mini  ;D

1/ agreed : but trashing the old enemy in the local derby 9-0 is better still... (one day, one day... it will happen)

2/ Correction on the AM : as reported in Nov-2012 :

'The company was sold in 2007 by Ford for £479m to a consortium of Investment Dar and another Kuwaiti investment fund, Adeem Investment.

The consortium was fronted by Dave Richards, former Formula One Benetton and BAR boss, who remains as chairman of Aston Martin'

3/ There was a Reliant van that showed up a lot in the TV series, but it wasnt his.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 03, 2013, 12:11:58 AM
You might want to add beer and women to that list then too brique ;)

meh, add beer, but women ... nope, worse than religion, politics or Marmite : too divisive....
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: Sanabas on January 03, 2013, 12:13:40 AM
(a nil-nil draw can be just as exciting as a 4-3).

Well yeah, because even a 4-3 soccer game is probably boring.  :P

Whereas the nil-nil draw in hockey between Australia & Netherlands at the recent champion's trophy was one of the most exciting games I've seen for ages.

Quote
3. Mr Bean drove an Austin Mini  ;D

So he did. I was remembering the episode where he's trying to get out of a carpark, which ends with a robin falling over, and getting confused.
Title: Re: Footballl (soccer)
Post by: brique on January 03, 2013, 12:25:03 AM
Robin Reliants often got confused and fell over, anything resembling a corner had that effect on them...  fortunately, being so light they were easily and quickly put back right-side up again... thereby hangs a tale involving my ex-wife, a confused Reliant, some drunken bikers, a crazed Old English Sheep Dog and the local constabulary... but the memory is too raw still, many decades later...

*reaches for whiskey bottle