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Author Topic: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!  (Read 139 times)

Offline Zombie Slayer

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Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« on: August 25, 2020, 01:41:01 PM »
Welcome to Federal United Package Service, the interwebs premier cargo carrier. At F-Ups we ship anything, even the self loading variety that leaves a mess of paper bags, french fries, ground into the carpet by our unsupervised crotch goblin fish crackers, and half consumed Coke cans behind (they're our least favorite, and we're not afraid to show it!)

Whether you have an ultra important business document, a brand new Maserati that you need overnighted to New York, or anything in between, we at F-Ups are here for you. We will give your item the same attention you give us when you drop it off, which is not much, but it will get there, maybe, occasionally in one piece, and most of the time on-time...ish.

FedUp-We're all F-Ups here!
Co-founder Elite Worldwide Alliance
PacAir President and CEO
Designated "Tier 1" Opponent

Offline JumboShrimp

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2020, 05:40:13 PM »
If I want to order a package to be shipped, can I call 1-800-F***-UPS?

Offline Zombie Slayer

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2020, 05:44:35 PM »
If I want to order a package to be shipped, can I call 1-800-F***-UPS?

1-900-F**K-UPS. We ain't just giving phone calls away for free up in here  :laugh:! Customer service fee is $1.99 the first minute, $.99 a minute there after. Oh, and we're gonna put you on hold for a bit as well.
Co-founder Elite Worldwide Alliance
PacAir President and CEO
Designated "Tier 1" Opponent

Offline JumboShrimp

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2020, 06:35:29 PM »
This is outstanding!

The other day, I placed an order for some F**k-Ups - a highly perishable Kartoffel cake from Germany to Newark.  It wound up in Sri Lanka.

Instead of calling the old 1-800-F**K-UPS and getting a busy signal, I called the new 1-900-F**K-UPS, and got to listen to the entire Symphony No 2 by Gustav Mahler, before I was informed that the voice mail box was full, that I should try to call another time.

And the easy $81.99 fee was conveniently put on my phone bill, no extra invoices from F**K-UPS.

Signed

Satisfied Customer

Offline Zombie Slayer

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2020, 07:30:06 PM »
Dear Satisfied Customer,

We at F-Ups are happy, we guess, to hear about your outstanding experience, and your praise of our Easybill (r) customer service is well received.

I will forward your praise to the team and thank them for another job done to FedUps low mediocre standards. We always say, over promise, under deliver, and make money on the complaint. Its been the FedUp way for the last 69 years!

Sincerely,
The F.U. Team
Co-founder Elite Worldwide Alliance
PacAir President and CEO
Designated "Tier 1" Opponent

Offline JumboShrimp

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2020, 07:52:52 PM »
I would like to post an update on the last shipment placed with F**k-Up.

The shipment arrived from F**k-Up sorting facility in Sri Lanka.  The package arrived safely, however, the delicious Kartoffel cake was not in the box.  There was a note that said it was eaten by Sri Lankan sorting machine.

Glad to have this one got sorted out.

Signed

Satisfied Customer.

Offline Zombie Slayer

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Re: Federal United Package Service-We're all F-Ups here!
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2020, 08:01:59 PM »
<mumbling while wiping crumbs off mouth> glad to haff this swoemrted out ash wewl. PS the cakes are delicious.
Co-founder Elite Worldwide Alliance
PacAir President and CEO
Designated "Tier 1" Opponent

 

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