In accordance with the new CDC guidelines published for all airlines today, Heartland is announcing a new program to give all passengers safe hugs. Our new hugs are 100% hug and 0% germs. As compared to all the other 100% germ hugs you've been given on other airlines, this will be a breath of recycled, pressurized air to all those who feel unsafe when getting a nice, warm hug!
In accordance with our Midwestern Hospitality, Heartland will now be offering cookies for free on all flights. These low calorie cookies are delicious and baked by our modest flight attendants!
In response to the alleged incident at GSW yesterday, Heartland is pursuing a full investigation on the matter, including if large carriers at GSW were irresponsible on not providing airstairs for sick passengers. To shame!
Here at Heartland we also will not transport animals, for the sake of our customers not hearing screaming noises and for the sake of the animals being transported by an alliance that is supposedly "Elite".
Be What's Next.