The CDC appeared before a federal court today seeking an injunction against Heartland Airlines. It seems their policy of hugs has assisted in the growth and distribution of several highly contagious infectious diseases.
Experts in viral infections as well as highly skilled and well trained transportation investigators detailed in testimony before the judge the exact pathogens transmitted and the routes they took to arrive in the Windy City.
The most dangerous of these viruses originated in West Africa, a passenger transported by Featherstone Airlines boarded their flight YB013 departing at 7:00 a.m. from Largos destined for London Heathrow. This passenger was in the early onset of E-bola and presented no symptoms. After a short layover, the passenger than boarded Heartland Airlines flight HE042 destined for Chicago, by the time the passenger arrived, the individual had started to present early symptoms of profuse perspiration. A hug from a stewardess was all it took to transmit the disease on to the general population of the Windy City.
The CDC has appealed to the military for assistance in maintaining civil order, they fear scenes similar to the 1968 Democratic National Convention should mass panic strike the city.
Ironically, despite the potential for serious infection, the sexual offenders ward of the Chicago City Jail reports that the offenders have encouraged the black marketing of Heartland Stewardess Uniforms for their Friday Night Follies in the dinning hall.