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Author Topic: Chuck Norris  (Read 5823 times)

Offline alexgv1

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  • Posts: 2184
Chuck Norris
« on: May 03, 2011, 06:54:26 PM »
Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare
get cross with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away
from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
never under pressure.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck
Norris

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists
simultaneously

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance… once

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the
hole he just made.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you
are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

No one knows what Chuck Norris’ tail number is, nobody has ever gotten that
close.

Source: http://aviationhumor.net/chuck-norris-pilot-jokes/
CEO of South Where Airlines (SWA|WH)

Ilyushin

  • Former member
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2011, 07:01:23 PM »
Hahaha you made my day ;D

Online JumboShrimp

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2011, 07:10:33 PM »
LOL.  Good one.

Offline Sami

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    • AirwaySim - Are you the next Richard Branson?
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2011, 08:01:47 PM »
Best AirwaySim vs. Chuck Norris joke (or picture) earns 10 Credits. You have 2 days time...   8)


Offline CUR$E - God of AirwaySim

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2011, 08:26:08 PM »
Chuck Norris can schedule aircraft out of Heathrow. Always. Even at 3am. Even 10 years after game world start.

Ilyushin

  • Former member
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2011, 08:30:28 PM »
Chuck Norris CAN run an airline with 10-seaters hogging all of the slots in LHR.

Offline Blur CEO

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2011, 08:36:51 PM »
In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.

Offline swiftus27

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2011, 08:50:27 PM »
Someone trying to take my spot at the completely unofficial aws comedian????
 :P

Offline Blur CEO

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2011, 08:54:35 PM »
I made it official

Offline Blur CEO

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    • Facebook
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2011, 09:04:25 PM »
thinking

Offline Blur CEO

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    • Facebook
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2011, 09:15:07 PM »
No snow for him

Online JumboShrimp

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2011, 09:19:53 PM »
Someone trying to take my spot at the completely unofficial aws comedian????
 :P


That explains why I could never take your posts seriously.  ;)

Offline swiftus27

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2011, 11:04:15 PM »
Okay... I am going to list all I can think of out:

Chuck Norris is already playing AWS 1.3 and city based demand is amazing  (if this one doesn't win, I will be p***ed)

Chuck Norris made the Concorde profitable... flying 100nm domestic flights

Chuck Norris flies all of London's longhaul using A380s out of City Airport.

Chuck Norris burns 15 960 kg / hr

Chuck Norris' livery picture blinded almost 200 users.

Chuck Norris has no turnaround time.  He can be in both places at once if he needs to.

Chuck Norris is the third Forum Moderator.

Chuck Norris charges F class for Y class seats.

The last person who tried to build in Chuck Norris' hub is now flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog $hit out of Hong Kong! (man points to who gets this)

Chuck Norris' load factor is 100%.  However, no one can handle Chuck Norris' load.

Only Chuck Norris understands Ilyushin's devotion to crappy Soviet aircraft.

Chuck Norris still Magic Carpets any game world he joins... SUCK IT (older players will get this)

The Chuck Norris 100 is also known as CNWTFPWNU

Offline swiftus27

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2011, 11:05:31 PM »
That explains why I could never take your posts seriously.  ;)

If you took that anywhere near personally then I am sorry. It was all meant in jest and honestly, I am jealous that I didnt think of this thread first.   I actually circulate these things regarding my work to my teammates at my job.  Like Chuck Norris can get XXX approved (I work for a bank...)

Offline BobTheCactus

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    • AeroBlogger.com
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2011, 11:08:30 PM »

Only Chuck Norris understands Ilyushin's devotion to crappy Soviet aircraft.

:D
Editor of AeroBlogger
If you're interested in blogging on aviation 3x/month or more:
http://AeroBlogger.com/Write

Ilyushin

  • Former member
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2011, 11:09:28 PM »
Thorougly enjoyed those, Swiftus. One of them must be a winner. ;D

Online ZombieSlayer

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2011, 11:54:11 PM »
Chuck Norris does not need F5. He tells the used market when to refresh, and only after he gets any plane he wants.
Co-Founder Elite Worldwide Alliance
CEO PacAir
Designated "Tier 1 Opponent"

Offline RushmoreAir

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2011, 12:34:59 AM »

The last person who tried to build in Chuck Norris' hub is now flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog $hit out of Hong Kong! (man points to who gets this)


Top Gun.

Offline RushmoreAir

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Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2011, 01:52:25 AM »
Here are some of my Chuck Norris one-liners:

Chuck Norris doesn't request features.  Features request Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't request features.  He edits the source code.

Chuck Norris' iPhone loads his flight planning graphs when he says so.

Chuck Norris moderates Sami.

Chuck Norris flies as many fleet types as he wants.  Profitably.

Chuck Norris' airline can fly from Kennedy to LaGuardia.

Air Traffic Controllers don't fall asleep on Chuck Norris' watch.

Chuck Norris has 300 a/c at each base.

At the beginning of a game, Chuck Norris expands faster than Curse.

Chuck Norris has already won the 10 credit prize.

Chuck Norris makes better demotivators than Swiftus.

Chuck Norris doesn't get banned.

Chuck Norris doesn't need slots.  He can take off from the gate.

Chuck Norris flies the D228 on the Kangaroo Route.  Without a tech stop.

Chuck Norris flies the Mecure TATL.

Chuck Norris already has IFE and meals on his airline.

Chuck Norris knows his competitor's fares.

Chuck Norris has his own alliance.  With a 1000 rating.

Chuck Norris can base in as many countries as he wants.




Hope there's a winner in there somewhere  :)

GEnx

  • Former member
Re: Chuck Norris
« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2011, 02:01:58 AM »
Chuck Norris doesn't fly to his destination, he makes his destination come to him.

 

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